Saturday, February 23, 2013

friendship and social skills

We are there... I can hardly believe it.
My son has a friend.
One step accomplished and a long walk ahead.

So little one... do nor blow it!
Please do not blow it...please learn to cope fast enough so you can keep that little friend.
...friends are hard to find and they have to be cherished and kept...
Now some things are up to you.
How do we teach that.

M has proven to be a wonderful friend to Sturla. he is patient and understanding, he has a good sense of humor he is lively and has good socials, he is friendly with everyone and seems to be able to play with everyone.

Sturla is taking new steps and missteps on his way to become a friend.
He gets jealous when M plays with other kids.
He has no idea how to solve conflicts or disagreements.
He has no idea how his behaviour affects his friends.

So we had some drama. He shoved M and some girls in his class. The reason was he wanted M to himself and he also wanted to play another game. Even though the game had formerly been agreed upon.
He said I hate you to his friend when they disagreed upon whether a certain stone was to represent a schoolbus or a caravan.
When asked to apologize...he did so reluctantly and ended the "I am sorry "....with a twist...I am sorry ...jerk...
He apparently was still angry.

Thankfully M is a forgiving little person. Not big on grudges.Not easily angered.
I got the story of what happened from Sturla himself.
That was a new accomplishment ...I got the what and how and where something happened.
This was discussed and talked about and the scenario played out ...what happened... why... how could he do otherwise.
Then he felt remorse and and was sad, he tried hard to come to terms with all those new expectations and information he was flooded with...putting together the fragmented knowledge of what is a friend and what is friendship and what is expected.

The knowledge his classmates have gained slowly for the last six years is pushed on him all of a sudden and he just has to learn how to swim....
I try to teach ...make books and talk to parents working the social network as I can. I invite the kids home and I make it fun.
But in the end my sweet child it is you that has to do the work.


  1. I'm so happy!!!!! I'm glad his friend is forgiving and has hung in there while Sturla learns to navigate through the informal rules of being a friend (better late than never.) Quite an accomplishment!! His behavior sounds so much like my younger daughter when she was that age! She'd 'put all her eggs in one basket' and when that friend did something with another friend, she was hurt. So glad you're making those opportunities for him to practice and learn how to be a good friend. (I should have done that more with mine...)

    1. Sturla is very much taking the first steps, wobbly legs and all :)

  2. So exciting that your boy has made a friend, it is a lovely start...and what a relief that his little friend is so chilled.

  3. ...Yes it is... I hardly dare to breathe, I am afraid it will all just disappear.

  4. We still have many of these challenges. It's so hard to watch sometimes, because I want to "fix" things for him; make him understand the nuances of friendship. Of course I can't, so he struggles along. I hope they both get there, in their own time.

    1. I too want to fix the situation when he is hard to step back or step in in the right way. And yes I hope they will get least we are on it as we can. There are always new things to mind and learn about...but they will get there.

  5. Very glad your son has a friend, and what a wonderful friend he has made! You also say that already he is learning about friendship in a practical way, really good to read x

    1. Yes his friend is sweet...the are small still and life is relatively simple.

  6. P - that is AMAZING
    Sturla is just blossoming
    DOnt worry - he will learn these skills like he has learned so many other things