Thursday, May 17, 2012

Random thoughts

Last week I looked out of the window to see tiny white snowflakes drifting down from the sky.
My tulips played dead in the garden....and the green looked trampled and pale.
Vegetation is amazing and a few days later it is as if nothing happened.
The tulips are perky and straight and the leaves grow bigger every day.

I play the behavioral detective still.
But I am just putting out fires.

Be opinonated and yell.
Express yourself. I asked and begged
Be quiet child. Do as I say.
Be both.

Silence and passiveness is behavior too and  I would not go back to that, for anything in the world. For the first time in his life, he goes out alone with his brothers to play. I even let them go down to the sea too look for crabs on their own.
I f anything happens, one of you comes running back and fetch me I say and talk them through all the safety measures I can think of.
You all hold hands when crossing the street and take care of each other and remember to remind your brother to watch out for the cars.

He comes home energetic lively and oh so happy.
We found one he says.
The sleeves on his jacket are a bit wet and his fingers red and cold.

This is growth.

I take our program apart and wonder if I make things too hard for him. I switch over to more nonverbal programs and increase the emphasis on play.
The truth is I am tired and that makes me a bad teacher.

The last days of school are full of little festivities and concerts and the kids have exams.
Eiki is playing on his saxaphone and we take Sturla with us too watch and think nothing of it, he has always been well behaved.
Not now.
He squirms and growls and then it escalates into screaming and I run out of the room. He calms down and I manage to go back just in time too see Eiki perform. Then I run back out as Sturla starts screaming again.
Dabbi will be playing on saturday so...
I will prepare him better.
He will sit through that little concert.
Wish us luck.

My daughter is graduating next week and we are preparing a huge party. I look forward to it and I want it to be grand and it makes me stressed.
This will be about her.

I am thankful I am teaching a really small class at the moment. I can chill a bit at work. My students now are absolute beginners in Icelandic and we take it very slowly focusing on relaxed atmosphere and talking.
I teach immigrant workers, refugees, people that have married Icelanders, that travel to Iceland and some that have some special interest in the land  All sorts of people.
I feel like I meet the whole world in my work. I meet people with no education and also highly educated people from all kind of backgrounds.
It is always interesting and sometimes challenging.

It breaks my isolation keeps me sane and helps me see the bigger picture.

Not everything is about autism all the time.
Sometimes it is just life.


  1. I hear you - I do not know what I would do without my job !!its such a lovely break !

  2. I find it hard not to loose myself in that autism rabbit hole. Work helps me in that way.

  3. How awesome that Sturla was able to go out and play with his brothers! My daughter used to play the saxophone (love the way it sounds) and am glad you caught most of your son's concert. Good luck on the next concert! Congratulations on your daughter's graduation too!

    Your job sounds VERY interesting! :)

    My hubby hurt his back almost a decade ago and it was almost a year before he got back to normal (pain, waiting, surgery, therapy and then work therapy.) I was working full-time then and my supervisor asked if I wanted any time off. I quickly said NO, then clarified and said no, but thanked her very much. While it would have been nice, I also needed a break away from not being able to help or 'fix' him at home. While it was almost just a year, I can't imagine six, seven, eight.....etc. years.

    1. Yes, we need to exist for ourselves and not only for our loved ones. It actually makes us better at caring for others.

  4. Lots of lovely good things in this post and I'm so happy to read that he is going out to play with his siblings, I would be celebrating that too xx

  5. yes I am euphoric...finally... especially because until he was four I could never look away from him or he would disappear... just wander a way. So this is huge.

  6. I completely understand what you're talking about. I disappeared into the autism tunnel for 2 years. Lost myself, forgot there were other things in life...realized that living and breathing autism and therapy isn't good for any of us. Slowly crawling out of that hole. Have started reading books for fun again.

    How wonderful that he went out with his siblings and did well. That is hope...things will work out.

  7. Ahh, books I have not read anything for fun for the last three years I just realized that with your comment. I need to come back without loosing my focus and pace with him. I really hope that is possible.