Sunday, January 15, 2012

Janúar

The weather and me... the rain the sleet the snow and frost and thick chunks of ice everywhere annoy me as much as the constant criticism I seem to be handing out to everyone around me.
It is this dark month I tell myself...
It will get better in a couple of months.
When the sun rises again.

I annoy myself.
I am swearing and feeling giddy and flippant at the same time... I am beyond ...
slightly crazy

Normal is an unclimbable blue mountain in the distance
we go shopping for groceries when hubby returns from work I have been stuck with no car in the weekend no outings and just my pleasant self as adult company.

Normal is the faraway land ... a fairy tale... a fantasy
the golden pot at the end of the rainbow
the soft spot on the dragons belly

Sturla is happy to get out and he is running around in the store getting lost on purpose trying to find some good stuff to sneak in the basket....yet ...yelling.... mom where are you?
I yell back and we meet in the middle of a field of yellow cheerios packages.

He wants to watch the christmas calender on tv... christmas is over I tell him for the hundreth time.... Perhaps dad can act it for you. Or the clerk I point to a young man stuffing groceries in a bag. The young man smiles and looks away... too shy to answer

I am the shop keeper he declares as he sits behind one of the checkouts... I pretend to shop...

Normal is another land

din of cats paws
woman's beard
fish breath
bird spit
...and what else did the dwarfs use for making this unbreakable rope...

I tie myself freely and willingly to this fantasy
I knowingly will not have it another way
It is my way

....and often lonely on this highway....
the only way I can live with...on the way to that unreachable blue mountain.

We have been working non stop the week and the weekend and I am tired and silly.

Christmas break is over.
There is work tomorrow.
Playschool and the battle for team work...
I better check my tongue and put on a pleasant smile in happy land.

And I watch you my sweet child and you are worth it all and much more.
Worth your weight in gold
Worth your weight in tears
worth my worries...
My budding pianist
My budding conversation partner
My budding bunch of potential

It is just a tiny leap of faith.
I can do it
After all I can believe in ghosts and dreams and elves so how can I not believe in you.

4 comments:

  1. Your writing is like poetry. Beautiful.

    My hubby becomes seasonally depressed in the winter and had done so for years before we realized what was going on. Now, he distracts himself with a few hobbies to stay sane during the winter. Of course, we don't actually even know what 'winter' is compared to where you live. I hope the next couple of months go fast for you.

    My son went through a Batman stage where, for months, he was Batman. He wore the costume in public everywhere and we acted out the characters for months, many months. Looking back, it seemed like just a day in time.

    I hope he has a smoothe transition back to playschool. It's difficult to return to a schedule after a long break. Good luck!

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  2. What a beautiful post!! You brought so many pictures to my mind! And yeah, we're having the same trouble with Christmas too. My son keeps asking for the Christmas tree so we can decorate it again!

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  3. Beautifully said. I have a hard time with this time of year too. It hits me hard for some reason and all I cling to is the knowledge winter is almost over and my kids need me more than I need a slump in the dumps.

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