Saturday, May 14, 2011


The days are already long and bright... the boundaries between night and day disappearing.
So very very green. New birch leaves.

I cannot make a decision.

He is happier slowly ...hopefully turning around to his old happy self.
He still clings to me desperately when I leave him at playschool. His therapist is trying... I know they are trying... just wonder if trying is enough.
Not really in my book.
Trying until it works is the only satisfactory solution.
I am building up a social skills program at home with the aide of a private consultant. Hoping to implement that into his program at the playschool.

I take his programs home every day now. Too see his data and to work on the programs. I am not too happy about what I see. Few trials and low percentages and still no data on social skills. I pick him up as soon as I can.

Then there are all the things that no one can measure.
The joy of playing
the energy that builds up when good teaching and playing occurs.
The complex dynamics between people.
He needs intense energy and constant input to stay focused or else he slips away.
Lately there has been a lot of slipping away.

Still...he is playing again with his brothers. Commenting a bit more...
So how about an amazing miracle this summer a burst of something sunny and social.
How about that?

And the rest of my kids...
Growing so fast I can not keep track. My daughter turned eighteen. going away on interrail this summer.
May is a time of exams and tests and farewell meetings. Music lessons and school will soon be over for the summer.
There have been two sunny days and Dabbi looks like he spent three weeks in Spain, he wants to learn to play trumpet, because it has only three notes. Eiki prefers to sit inside and read or discuss the different habitats of frogs, he is making good progress on his saxaphone. Jöri is turning twelve this summer his humor getting a bit sarcastic and dry, his sister his idol. They just grow on their own.
I spend too little time with them.

I wish I could stop time.


  1. Good for you for hiring the private consultant...

    Thinking of you.

  2. thanks... I am hoping she will work some magic.