Sunday, May 1, 2011

Still snowing...

It is getting brighter... the clock is almost ten and the sky is rosy pink just like candy floss, the ground is white with snow. I watch the birds stubbornly becoming busy.

The next few weeks will decide if I am quitting my job to stay at home with Sturla or if the play school is capable of dooing the work that needs to be done. Weird.
I have watched his main therapist and in DTT training... she is good. She is nice and sensible and I like her.
The problem is complex.
They seem to have no clue how too train social skills.
The have never taken over his program from the last play school.
The do not follow through.
The have no clear goals for him.

The final straw for me was watching the videos they took of him to represent at the meeting coming up next wednesday.
They took the videos at my request... my very much repeated again and again request and what I saw is horrible.

He is unhappy.
He seems to have no initiative.
He just lies there on the floor oblivious to his surroundings.
I could not believe this was my child.

What I saw is such deep terrible loss of any will or being. It is Horrid.
I can not leave and go for work dreading that this is how he is spending his day.

The first step is a meeting tomorrow morning discussing our complaints. Then I have a class to teach for three hours so I need to leave him there.
Second is implementing it is my way or the highway policy.
I will decide what they work on and I will get it in writing how many therapy hours... one on one teaching the think they can provide.
Then we have the meeting on wednesday.
For the next few days we will start over.
He will only spend a very short time there each day and they will work on engaging him in a more energetic way.

I have worked with him over 30 hours the last week trying to get things going again and you know what he is still learning quite fast only he needs to be reinforced quite a bit more not surprisingly after what I saw on those videos. He is as silly and funny as ever. He is the same child...

I cannot even translate what I feel into english. My utter and total disappointment and sorrow that they could let this happen to him.

He has not gotten the hours I thought he was getting.
I blame myself for not looking more closely at his data and for worrying too much about maintaining good relations with the play school.

Now wonder things have been going slowly with such a drop in hours and no proper reinforcement.

And I blame myself. I blame the system and .... is all so useless
start over... swallow the tears ... get on with it...


  1. Many many many mnay many hugs
    I am speechless - Sturla is such a joyful child - its hard to imagine him listless and uncaring
    of all things I cannot bear R's unhappiness

  2. That sounds awful, I'm so sorry for your disappointment... It's a good thing you got them to take the videos though, at least now you know. Good luck with making them implement and reinforce and good luck also with your big decision. **hugs** from far away.

  3. xoxo

    It feels like it never ends sometimes.

    We went through bad spots, too. Once we took him out of a preschool because he simply wasn't able to function, it was getting worse, not better.

    I'm sorry you have to cope with this, it's a lot.

    I thought of you as I wrote my last post.

  4. Thank you all. Virtual hugs and compassion truly works quite well. :)