Monday, May 30, 2011

Whatever it is... it is welcome.

Perhaps it is the sunlight and the fact that there will be no night for many weeks.

Perhaps it is the cold fresh wind that reminds me of sunbathing with a woolen blanket
in my grandmothers garden as a child.

Perhaps it is because my half brother came for a visit and it comforted me seeing how much he looks like our father whom he never saw.

Maybe it is because my daughter sang at a concert yesterday and I am still flushed with pride.
"I bet you sat there yelling she is mine... somewhere in the back"
I did you ... girl.
I did.

It could be the way my middle children are eager to play with Sturla.
Sure... collecting stamps and little prizes. I can still see how the hug him more often and that he is asking them to play and they rarely say no.
Sure I make their effort worthwhile...
but still.

It could be the good meal hubby prepared tonight.

Or the fact that I feel a certain security with our consultant coming in full force finally.
A certain hopefulness.
Been there before, certainly.
hoping to stay this time.
Hoping again.

Perhaps it is the dog game Sturla is constantly playing these days sniffing around using pencils for bone licking my cheek and barking, hiding in the dig house. He is hilarious.

Or the way he took effortlessly to the playing with puppets program this evening.

Whatever it is there is a sense of relief... for the moment at least for a worrysome drama mama.

Anyway the summer just began today.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

So so social.

Still trying to put thumbscrews on the play school.
I am actually imagining we are making progress. No one has done anything but accept our suggestions. So so far so good.
A detailed plan for every minute in the school and how it is spent. The goals and how well they were met. In hours and then in data of progress.

Our private consultant is worth her weight in gold.
Two program have already started.
one has to do with how he spends his time when on his own because he needs constant structure. We are teaching him to use a play book. He gets two assignments he needs to fetch the book get the stuff do the assigments put everything away and ask for his reinforcer. This needs a lot of planning. Soon we can add more assignments and hopefully help him to plan his actions better.
Good for him and soon a little relief for us.
The second is following other kids around to play with various items. Play stations.
So he is following already and now we want interaction.
So talk.

Get him to answer his name with a yes.
Hey... Sturla...
do you want sweets.

His brother are doing this one in the car.
It is obviously absolutely annoying to answer your name when the one calling you has nothing to say but good job og great answering.
Potatoe chips and sweets are worth talking about. At least in my mind.

At the moment it is all about reinforcement. Getting him to talk is the ongoing big goal. I am dying to know what is in his head.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

What did you do today?

I went to play school.

Yippe and a swirl.
and what else?

I went swimming.

Hooray and more swirls
Something more?

I went into the hot tub.

Yea and swirl and hooray to you
did you do anything else?

I had a toast and juice for breakfast.
yippe and another round.

what did you have for lunch?
I do not know.

That is great too.

What are we going to buy tomorrow?

A giant pizza... he replies laughing.

No... have you forgotten?

A Spiderman toothbrush.

Hooray and all the swirls in the world for you my darling.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


The days are already long and bright... the boundaries between night and day disappearing.
So very very green. New birch leaves.

I cannot make a decision.

He is happier slowly ...hopefully turning around to his old happy self.
He still clings to me desperately when I leave him at playschool. His therapist is trying... I know they are trying... just wonder if trying is enough.
Not really in my book.
Trying until it works is the only satisfactory solution.
I am building up a social skills program at home with the aide of a private consultant. Hoping to implement that into his program at the playschool.

I take his programs home every day now. Too see his data and to work on the programs. I am not too happy about what I see. Few trials and low percentages and still no data on social skills. I pick him up as soon as I can.

Then there are all the things that no one can measure.
The joy of playing
the energy that builds up when good teaching and playing occurs.
The complex dynamics between people.
He needs intense energy and constant input to stay focused or else he slips away.
Lately there has been a lot of slipping away.

Still...he is playing again with his brothers. Commenting a bit more...
So how about an amazing miracle this summer a burst of something sunny and social.
How about that?

And the rest of my kids...
Growing so fast I can not keep track. My daughter turned eighteen. going away on interrail this summer.
May is a time of exams and tests and farewell meetings. Music lessons and school will soon be over for the summer.
There have been two sunny days and Dabbi looks like he spent three weeks in Spain, he wants to learn to play trumpet, because it has only three notes. Eiki prefers to sit inside and read or discuss the different habitats of frogs, he is making good progress on his saxaphone. Jöri is turning twelve this summer his humor getting a bit sarcastic and dry, his sister his idol. They just grow on their own.
I spend too little time with them.

I wish I could stop time.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Still snowing...

It is getting brighter... the clock is almost ten and the sky is rosy pink just like candy floss, the ground is white with snow. I watch the birds stubbornly becoming busy.

The next few weeks will decide if I am quitting my job to stay at home with Sturla or if the play school is capable of dooing the work that needs to be done. Weird.
I have watched his main therapist and in DTT training... she is good. She is nice and sensible and I like her.
The problem is complex.
They seem to have no clue how too train social skills.
The have never taken over his program from the last play school.
The do not follow through.
The have no clear goals for him.

The final straw for me was watching the videos they took of him to represent at the meeting coming up next wednesday.
They took the videos at my request... my very much repeated again and again request and what I saw is horrible.

He is unhappy.
He seems to have no initiative.
He just lies there on the floor oblivious to his surroundings.
I could not believe this was my child.

What I saw is such deep terrible loss of any will or being. It is Horrid.
I can not leave and go for work dreading that this is how he is spending his day.

The first step is a meeting tomorrow morning discussing our complaints. Then I have a class to teach for three hours so I need to leave him there.
Second is implementing it is my way or the highway policy.
I will decide what they work on and I will get it in writing how many therapy hours... one on one teaching the think they can provide.
Then we have the meeting on wednesday.
For the next few days we will start over.
He will only spend a very short time there each day and they will work on engaging him in a more energetic way.

I have worked with him over 30 hours the last week trying to get things going again and you know what he is still learning quite fast only he needs to be reinforced quite a bit more not surprisingly after what I saw on those videos. He is as silly and funny as ever. He is the same child...

I cannot even translate what I feel into english. My utter and total disappointment and sorrow that they could let this happen to him.

He has not gotten the hours I thought he was getting.
I blame myself for not looking more closely at his data and for worrying too much about maintaining good relations with the play school.

Now wonder things have been going slowly with such a drop in hours and no proper reinforcement.

And I blame myself. I blame the system and .... is all so useless
start over... swallow the tears ... get on with it...