Sunday, December 12, 2010

Some days....

The constant hope for improvement is tiresome, the constant longing for new skills and more interaction is exhausting and I wonder if I will ever reach the point of acceptance and live and let be.
I do not know ,I do not know if I want to be there...
I just know that I long for some kind of peace.

I have not done much of the usual stuff we do before christmas. Some.. actually very little and not nearly everything... gifts are still unbought or wrapped. the house is a mess... oh well that is the usual state of our house.
I pretend not to mind.

Behind in our work.. what else is new.
I worry about how hard it is for him to hear the difference in similar words.
Perhaps it is just too hard for him.

Time concepts are still in a fog.

Why and where keep getting mixed up. We are drilling it in and it is hard work for us both.

He is playing a lot. Doing pretend play and and enjoyng himself when his brothers want to play with him. But my heart sank today when I saw he had lined up all the toys. I have not seen anything like that for a long time. He also had a melt down at the muesum park we went today. Crying and throwing himself down. I have no idea why. Sigh.
It took a while.
I was not very sympathetic. I put him on ignore.
He is also stimming more running around in circles jumping up and down with excitement. He moves so fast it is incredible.

There are just to many ups and downs. I have a hard time with the down side.
I am not graceful.

I feel I am neglecting my other children. Autism takes all my energy.

Some days something wonderful happens and I write about it, other days it just sucks.

I have to remind myself where he was a year ago. That he did not play with toys that I could easily count his words and he never greeted anyone.
He did not know his name and where he lived or what his cat is called. So... I really should shut up.

But this is my blog and I will complain when I want to.

The first christmas lad came to town this morning and one little lad got a potato. Not Sturla, his brother Eiki. He got other stuff as well, the Chrismas lad was apparantly to weak to follow through completely with his threats. He got a letter and a warning potato. My Eiki has a bit of a temper and a streak of stubbornness. He is also the only one in this house who flaps his arms when excited. He was a late talker. But had this amazing talent for drawing long before he could talk. He did not say mamma until he was three.

It all begins with an A autism adhd add.

I never worried about Eiki because of the way he he could draw.
Now at eight he makes comic books, he draws stories and he makes three dimensional drawings.
I am glad I did not know then what I know now.
He behaved extra well today making every effort to please his mother play with his brother and tidy his room.

I wonder if Sturla will look into his shoe tomorrow morning I hope he will catch on to this shoe biz.

12 more days to fix a perfect chrismas for my kids.
The clock is ticking.
Tick tock...

I still fell like that white rabbit.
Winter
Wonderland

6 comments:

  1. So sorry to see you down, I know the feeling though. Some days are great and some days you just want to stay in bed and pretend that autism does not exist in your house. Sturla is doing very very well, really, he is :) Jen

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  2. Great this is what im looking for, you are very good in providing useful information for everyone.
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  3. I know exactly what you mean
    many many hugs and encouragement

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  4. Just dropping in to wish your and your family a Happy Christmas :) Jen

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  5. I can relate so well to this post. I just found your blog and I like the fact that you keep it real. I think while it is nice and encouraging to read about all the encouragements it is also relieving to hear that we are not alone in our struggles. Hang in there.

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  6. Happy Christmas
    Happy new year
    I miss u
    I miss stories of Sturla

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